Friday, August 31, 2012


That is the number of hours on my breast pump. FOUR HUNDRED AND TWO HOURS AND THIRTY SIX SECONDS. I'll do the math for you...that amounts to about 17 days. I started using this pump (it's a hospital grade pump that I'm renting) at the end of May. So for 17 days out of 3 months I have spent pumping and yes I was to bang my head against a brick wall a lot of times b/c that actually sounds more fun than spending one more second hooked up to that pump and only getting a measly amount of milk. I have NEVER experienced anything as frustrating as being hooked up to the pump for 30-40 mins and looking down and seeing a whooping 2 ounces of milk. It has not gotten any easier to accept.  I want to throw the damn milk catcher thingys against the damn wall. I don't understand why my body won't make an adequate amount of milk. I have literally tried EVERYTHING and I got nothing...  The only thing that helped out were the More Milk Plus supplements that increased my supply by about an ounce at each pump but of course those supplements give my little Lars a horrible horrible tummy ache and it's not worth it.

People always ask me why I continue to do it. And to be honest, it's almost more of selfish reason.  I already feel so guilty for not being able to provide Lars with only breastmilk that if I gave up and stopped now I think I would go even crazier.  And for some strange reason I still hold onto hope that one day my milk supply will increase (small chance...I know).  I just hope that the amount of milk I can provide him will make some difference.

I want to give a HUGE HUGE HUGE 'shout out' and thank you to my incredibly sweet and caring sister-n-law Jennifer! Jennifer has the opposite milk problem of me.  She has a GRAND supply of milk for precious Margo and she so graciously gives me milk.  I know she pumps extra times and probably for longer so she can send it and I don't think she will ever know just how much that means to me. I want her to know that I would do the same for her in a heartbeat if the tables were turned. My sweet Lars is so very lucky to have such a loving aunt! THANK YOU SO MUCH JEN!! WE LOVE YOU & YOUR MILK :)

             ahhh..the good 'ole days of me using your old ID to get into bars and us dancing till our legs burned from dancing in heels ;) LOVE YOU!

Sunday, August 26, 2012


I have always loved the light in our bedroom in the mornings and ever since Lars arrived I've had this vision of taking pictures in there at just the right time. It's really the perfect light for great pictures.  Well, that hasn't happened until now. I think I was the only one in the group that enjoyed this.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Happy 5 months sweet Lars

Oh my sweet sweet Lars! What a wonderful 5 months it has been.  You are the greatest thing to ever happen to your dad and me.

You are funny and curious, nosey and observant.  You are now ticklish on your thighs and under your arms and you think it's just so funny for us to tickle you. You are rolling over all the time and everywhere. You are in the dreadful stages of teething but you're taking it like a champ! You still need to be swaddled but I see those days coming to an end very soon. You have lost the deep love you once had for your snugabunny bouncer and have moved on to your activity saucer.  You still like your activity mat but you tend to just roll right off of it onto the floor. You are absolutely interested in FOOD! You sit at the table with us and watch very carefully when we are eating dinner.  You're time is coming little puffin. It won't be long until you are getting to try all these wonderful flavors!

You are still sleeping in bed with us but now that your crib has been moved to our room you have started to take a few naps in there. Mama is just not ready for you to move yet!! You love kisses and open your mouth real big when I get close to your face. You love to lay on the ottoman with Daddy and watch TED Talks with him.  The other night you and Daddy were watching a football game on tv and I must admit that you were actually watching it.  I told Daddy that it's already starting. You still love love love your baths and just talk and smile while sitting in the water. The pacifier is slowly loosing its luster as I think you become bored with it. You are basically holding your bottles on your own and reach for them if you see it.

You are weighing in at about 15 lbs and are about 25 inches long. And you are just perfectly perfect! I hope you know just how much you are loved.  Happy 5 months puffin muffin!

Monday, August 13, 2012

talking, teething and taking naps

Our little man is getting funnier and funnier every single day.  He has full on conversations with us, or himself or his toys and it. is. hysterical. He's so vocal.  I just don't know where he would get that from (sense the hint of sarcasm?) He talks while he's nursing, whiles he's taking a bottle, while he's taking a bath, while he's playing on his mat or sitting in his bumbo chair, he even talks while he's falling asleep (self soothing I think)...he talks alllllll the time. He's constantly smiling and even though he's teething...he's being such a good sport about it. I know it's frustrating for him but he just takes it in stride (most of the time).  We've had a few melt downs due to teething but nothing a little love or milk couldn't take care of.  Nursing him has even become more challenging, if that's even possible.  He tends to just want to gum my nipple and well that is about as pleasant as it sounds. I try not to complain when we have rough patches because I know it could be A LOT worse.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned the napping situation in our house....or the lack there of, so pardon this section if I have. This kid should sign up to compete for the best cat napper in the world bc I actually think he would win. Now this is strictly during the day, so again I try not to complain. He will, on average, take
3-5 30-45 min naps during the day if we're lucky. That's it.  So whatever we need to get done it better be able to get done in 45 min intervals b/c it's like clockwork.  45 min on the dot. We have been following this 90 minute sleep routine (read the book, recommended by my sis n law katie) and since turning 4 months he's been able to follow it.  Right on schedule for the most part.  Basically whenever he wakes up we start the clock (not really, but you know what i mean) for 90 mins and sure enough 1.5 hours later he's ready to go to sleepy land (for 45 mins). I just wish he would sneak in a 2 hour nap during the day.  Oh the joy and oh the number of things that could get done around the house.  But it is what is and we have stopped worrying about it and just work with it.

Lars had his 4 month check up last week and he's doing just peachy! He weights 14lbs 12oz and is 25 inches long.  50th percentile for both.  Our pediatrician said he's the coolest baby he's ever seen.....not really, but I imagine Lars IS the coolest baby he's ever seen. :)

He amazes us ever day and I just didn't know it was possible to love something/someone so much. He's my puffin muffin and I love him!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Family Time

Everyone's gone and I must admit I'm kind of sad.  Although it's nice when it's just the 3 of us, I always love a little chaos and when the chaos involves a really cute 4 year old, a funny 2 year old and a sweet little makes it super fun!! Robert and Jennifer and the kiddos were here for 5 days and we had a blast hanging out with them.  It's so different now that I have Lars.  I feel like I can't dedicate as much time to them as I use to but I still squeezed in lots of hugs and kisses. 

Lars and Margo were so cute together and defiantly noticed each other this time.  It was really fun to have all the kids together.  Here are just a few of the pictures taken. 

                                    Margo seemed to enjoy morning music just as much as Lars :)

                                                            holding hands

                                                     Maddox and Maryanne
                                    can you spot which baby doesn't belong to rob and jen?

                                                      we were trying to get a group photo....
                                               this one pretty much sums it up! love it!
                           i know i want to squeeze those cheeks and kiss those lips

                                                          my precious little boy!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

my morning struggle

Leaving in the mornings is so hard.  I'm late almost everyday because I just can't tear myself away from the my sweet baby Lars.  And if he's awake in the morning when I'm leaving...oh man....I can barely get out the door.  He's so dang cute and happy in the mornings. Laughing and making faces, grabbing my nose and talking. It should be a sin to have to leave that chubby little face.

my cuddle bugs.  this is why i may get fired for being late every morning. 

                                                   oh man...the's just too much

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