Getting Back to Dinner

There once was a time when I had dinner mapped out weekly, the meals were delicious and healthy, the grocery list was well thought out and double checked and  we weren't going to the grocery store 3 times a week.  Then.... BABY.  Since Townes was born dinner has been sort of a shit storm most weeks. There were a few unusual weeks tossed in the past 6 months that I had it together but very very few and I've been ok with it until NOW. Having a new baby is hard.  It takes any routine you had and tosses it out the window, drags it down the road, puts it on a plane and sends it to a small far away country that you didn't even know existed and if you're lucky it comes back to visit every once in a while but mostly you create all new routines.  It takes time. So, I wasn't too hard on us for having the same 4 meals on rotation (for 6 months) or for having to hit up the grocery store 3 times a week.  We were in the trenches; trying to create this new life and new routine.

Well....it's time! It's time to get it together. I'm tired of spending extra money on groceries because we can't get a list together and I'm tired of eating some form of coconut sweet potatoes and black beans, butternut squash, kale and goat cheese and pizza.  All of those are delicious but we've exhausted them.

So here we go. I adore fall and all fall foods. It's my favorite, so what better time to start?

This weeks menu:

Carrot Tahini Soup
Easy Vegan Ramen  (i'll let you know how 'easy' it is)
Spicy Peanut Sweet Potato Soba Noodles
Lentil Walnut Tacos with Smokey Cashew Sauce
Carrot and Broccoli Salad with Miso Ginger Sauce 
Lars' Favorite Spaghetti and Neatballs (I don't make this vegan, but loosely follow this recipe.  I use Parmesan and sometimes an eggs in the mix)

I'm also hoping to whip up these bad boys: Pumpkin Ginger Bread Muffins and some more of these Peanut Butter Munchy Bars which I actually made into balls instead of bars.  Lars LOVES them and they are great for sticking in his lunch.

That's a wrap.  Hopefully this post will keep me honest and I'll have some pictures of wonderful dinners!

If I were a bird...

If I were a bird I’d have built at least 4.3 billion nests by now.  My ‘nesting’ phase with this pregnancy has been crazy! I remember having it Lars very very late (like 2 or 3 weeks before he arrived) but this has been nesting of another kind.  It started about a month ago and at times it can be all consuming if I don’t check myself. 

I would consider myself (when not pregnant) an averagely tidy person.  I don’t fret about small daily messes, I can go to bed with a semi dirty kitchen, my clothes can pile up on a chair in our room for a few days before I hang them.  I generally would do a good cleaning once a week and tidy up as much as possible during the week without it taking over. BUT starting about a month ago….oh goodness! It was like I got a horrible case of OCD .

The mornings are the worst (for whatever reason).  On days I’m home I have to do a few things in the morning or I’m just not satisfied.  I’ve organized every cabinet in our house.  The laundry cabinets, Lars’ art cabinet, the pantry, the kitchen drawers.  I’ve organized and purged toys, clothes and other home items like a maniac.  I completely emptied out my closet and rearranged stuff.  I started doing Bob’s closet before he took over because he said I was going crazy. I’ve gotten to Lars book collection, his closet, his room (I took everything off his walls, rearranged it and hung new and old stuff back up). 

On some weekend mornings I’ll make breakfast, we’ll all eat and then I find myself in a room organizing/purging stuff and Bob will come in and hand me a trash bag and say, ‘that kind of morning, huh?’ HE KNOWS!!  And just to be clear we don’t have an obscene amount of stuff…we really don’t.  I think we do a pretty good job of keeping ‘things’ to a minimum but my brain doesn’t think so at this point.

If I’m home and feel like I can’t focus on what’s important (playing with Lars, hanging out with the fam) I suggest that we get out of the house.  Sometimes my mind just starts pinging areas that I need to attack and I know it’s really not a big deal but God help me if I don’t get to it.  So we usually leave and I’m totally fine.  Sometimes, I’m even fine when we get back and I no longer give 2 shits about what was bothering before.  Talk about make a girl feel crazy!

I was laughing to tears the other evening while cooking dinner.  Lars kept opening the pantry and getting out zip lock baggies and taking them on the rug in the living room.  I eventually walked over and asked, ‘whatcha doin?’  He was putting toys and stuffed animals in different baggies and told me he was organizing and cleaning up.  This comes for a child that I have to beg and plead with to help pick up toys or shoes or books or ANYTHING.  Maybe my craziness has a silver lining???

Lars is and has been completely and utterly fascinated with dinosaurs for months now. OBSESSED! This is us a in a dino egg

That's a deinosuchus face painting.  In case you're not down with dinosaur and prehistoric animal terms, it was a giant prehistoric crocodile that lived with the dinosaurs.  Yes, I know this and so much more...more than I ever thought I would regarding dinosaurs and prehistoric animals. 

he tells us and everyone he meets that he wants to be a paleontologist (i know i know..he's only 3 4) but it's the cutest.  he also tells us he doesn't want or need to go to school because he already knows how to find dinosaurs.....

and finally...photo compliments of Lars.  he suggested that that was the babies eye and hand. a bit creepy. 

What the hell happened?

I got pregnant...that's what happened and it's been kicking my butt.  This pregnancy has been the complete opposite of what my first one was which was lovely, dreamy, easy.  I'm not here to complain though! NO NO NO! I do enough of that at home when I try to simply get up from the couch or get out of bed.

I'm about 30 weeks.  Lars will be 4 in April.  I feel like at times, time is moving really quickly and slowly all at the same time.  Does that makes sense?  Probably not, but just go with it. Slowly because I've felt pretty shitty this whole pregnancy but quickly because my baby boy is growing up in what feels like the blink of an eye.

We took these lovely photos before Christmas.  I mustered up the energy to do my hair and make up and tried not to throw up for an hour. They are some of my faves.  The amazing Katherine O'Brien took them of course.  Who else would we use???

Oh man, I love these 2 guys so much!!!

I've never disagreed more...(my response to a blog post)

I read THIS POST weeks ago and I just couldn’t help but completely and utterly disagree with it. I can’t even sort of get on board with it.  I like to pride myself on being pretty open minded and generally try to see both sides to every story, but this is just crazy to me.

The article is titled Why I Love my Husband More than My Kids. The title alone makes me cringe. It’s a terrible title. Well maybe not…I mean it caught my attention and I read it and now I’m arguing with it, so maybe just maybe it’s a genius title.

She goes on to list reasons why she loves her husband more than her children.  I don’t know this gal, I’m sure she’s a wonderful mother and takes perfectly great care of family but I don’t think I’ve ever disagreed with a blog post more than this one.  I just can’t, for the life me, understand where she’s coming from.

For me, the way I love Bob (my husband) and the way I love my child (Lars, 3) are so different and on such different levels that they are, to me, incomparable. Apples and orange my friends. They can’t be on a list. They can’t be part of a hierarchy. My love for Lars is nurturing, protective, instinctual.  My love for Bob is emotional, romantic and passionate.  The two loves never really collide, ya know?  I just don’t understand how one can compare them and I certainly don’t understand how a mother could say they love one more than the other.

When I look at Lars, maybe he’s playing outside or singing a song, I might tear up because I think, I will forever protect you, Lars with every ounce of my being or maybe I think, I can’t believe how tall you’ve gotten or how much you’ve learned in 3 years on this earth.  When I look at Bob, he’s probably drinking a beer on the patio, I think hmmmm….he looks hot…how many hours till Lars goes to bed or I think, what a lucky lady I am to find somebody that’s completely selfless and takes such excellent care of us.  The love and feelings are just so incredibly different. There is no first or second for me.  There can’t be. It’s impossible.

You can read the article for yourself and see the laundry list of reasons.  I’ve singled out a few and  listed my rebuttal.  It’s not to shame my husband or make him look bad, because he’s honestly the greatest man on the planet, but it’s just to show how bazaar this list is.  And for every nuance I list, I’m certain Bob could list 4 for me.   

– I don’t have to get up in the middle of the night to nurse my husband (and if he were to ask, I could simply tell him “not tonight”).

-       While Bob doesn’t have to be nursed in the middle of the night (and neither does Lars at this point) he does snore and often comes to bed later than me, unintentionally waking me up from my beauty sleep. But I still love him so much.

– The two of us were an “us” before the five of us were an “us”. He came first, and in my opinion, he should remain that way.

-       Fact: we were the 2 of us before we were the 3 of us but the needs of my husband and the needs of my toddler are incomparable and I try to take care of them the best that I can.  I can’t even begin to imagine trying to place their needs on a list of who’s first. 

– My husband NEVER says, “I pooped. And it’s really messy. Can you PLEASE just wipe me this one time, and I’ll go back to wiping myself tomorrow? (True story).

-       I’m sure I’m not the only gal who’s lucky enough to have a husband who tells them when they pooped.  Granted I don’t wipe Bob, I’d pick wiping my 3 year old over being anywhere near the bathroom when my husbands in there.

– HE is my voice of reason. The calm to my storm. THEY are my storm.  (Beautiful little storms they are, but storms, nonetheless).

-       Bob is without a doubt the calm to my storm and maybe she’s in the most perfect marriage ever, but Bob has also been my storm as I’m sure I have been his.  Somedays the calm to my storm is getting home and having sticky, blueberry dyed, marker covered little hands wrap around neck.  Somedays it’s having big hands with callouses on them around my waist and a scraggly beard rubbing on my face.

– Quite simply, he is, and pretty much always has been, my favorite person ever. Favorite Person Ever is a hard position to replace.

-       I say all the time that Bob is my favorite person and he is but guess who was also added as a favorite person, Lars.  Together, they are my favorite people.  

– He is my teammate. My partner. We work TOGETHER to love our kids well, raise our kids well, teach our kids well, and enjoy our kids well. But it is HE who remains my partner…not them.

-       Yes! But does that really make you love him more? How?

– “They” (the kids) have RUINED my already, not-that-impressive boobs. HE (contrary to what he may say) is going to be the one who is going to (pay to) FIX my boobs. Unless I change my mind about that.

-       Really?? You love your husband more because you nursed your children and your husband has the ability to pay for new boobs? You lost me there…even more than I was already lost.

– He is my best friend. They are my babies. My little loves. My responsibilities.  My JOB. Blessings. Amazing gifts, designed by God. My heart, walking around on three little sets of legs, yes. But… they aren’t my best friends. They aren’t who I go to relax with, laugh with, vent to, unwind with, and dream with. He is.

-       I agree….with like half of it. Bob is my best friend and Lars is all of those things listed but he’s also my best friend.  Maybe he’s not the friend I go to for advice on home renovations or work stuff but he is absolutely someone I go to to relax with, laugh with (are you kidding, the kid makes me laugh more than anyone else in the world), unwind with and dream with.  He also gives me great advice in what earrings to wear and what to cook.  Can’t I have 2 best friends?

– He gave me them.

    -  Just to clarify and have a feminist moment…..I had to partake in that fiasco also.                    There’s no one else I would have rathered made a baby with.  He HELPED bring the            most beautiful creature into the world.  A creature that taught me an entirely different            kind of love.  A love I had never known. 

Remember These Things, Lars

You're three now and growing up so quickly but please Never Forget:

The days we lay in the hammock and sing songs

To say please and thank you

To be sweet

To be kind

To put the toilet seat down

That you are my star…the reason I breathe…the other part of my heart

The day you laid your hand on my chest and asked if my heart was full of love

To have fun

To play

To hold my hand

To be healthy

To belly laugh

That I may not know the answer to “how much does a finger bone weigh, mama?” but I’ll try my best

That when I lose my cool I don’t love you any less

That on the day you were born a mother was born too…we’re in this together

That you have the best father in the world

That you don't have to repeat EVERYTHING you hear 

To always march to your own beat

To be grateful even when it's hard

Just how much you love to sing...everything's a song

That cats don't necessarily like the bathtub 

To be a good friend

and

That I love you, Lars...so very much.  Sometimes it hurts because I love you so much. 

Terrible Two's? HA! They got nothing on Three's.

I'm not even going to address the time gap that has occurred between this post and my last one.  I'm sure you all understand when my excuse is simply...life.

You know how they call it the terrible two’s?  Well I have something to call the three’s.  The Whiny Threes.  Holy Cow!  I used to brag that Lars wasn’t a whiner but again parenting has made me eat my words and a liar out of me.  I’m certain that on the day he turned 3 he flipped his whining switch to high gear.

 

Lars is so emotional lately and sometimes I feel I can relate.  When he’s having a moment (they are very often) it seems to be similar to when I have PMS….hear me out.  I’m going to describe something for you and you try to determine if I’m talking about a toddler or PMS:

On edge about everything,  irritated by the slightest thing, whine and cry if someone breathes the wrong way,  can’t make decisions like finding something to wear or deciding on what to eat, being moody… happy one minute and 5 seconds later  gouging someone’s eye’s out.

Can’t tell, right? Well that’s because they are the same exact thing! Three year old melt downs and PMS are the same exact thing.  I’m certain I will be published for discovering this unwavering correlation.

But in all seriousness, this is what it’s like a lot of the time.  For me it’s a few days out of the month for Lars it’s a few times a day.  Sometimes we’ll just be driving in the car and he’ll get so emotional and start whining and I’ll say, “Bubba, are you sad?” and he’ll muster up the strength to say, “yeah, I’m upset” and I’ll say, “ well, why are you so upset” and he’ll (through his tears) say, “I don’t know, mama”  and I think to myself PMS.  I get it dude...let's get some chocolate. That always helps me. 

While there are times that I pat myself of the back for being patient and handling a meltdown like I envision myself to there are equal amount of times that I raise my voice or become impatient and lose my cool and think to myself, Wow! Ash you handled that like another 3 year old. Kudos!

It’s tough.  At times I feel like I have no clue what I’m doing and it’s then that I try to step back and do whatever I’m going to do out of love because in the end, I love him no matter what. I love him so much it makes me crazy.

Even though turning 3 has brought with it some less desirable traits it has also brought with it some of the funniest moments of our lives.  If we’re not dealing with whining and attitude adjustments then we’re laughing our butts off because this kid is outrageously hysterical. 

love.

first carnival experience.  he was pretty into it

taking care of the plants while daddy was away for work. 

picking out plants at the big blue barn.  that outfit. those glasses. 

happens. every. time.  who needs paper anyway

boy loves coconut. coconut anything! 

helping me grocery shop

 little cat holding jake the snake!!

a family that wears hats......

spending lots of time in the pool trying to help him get over his fear of swimming. we're getting there. 

and if you don't already know, we got chickens! they still have a few more weeks before they start laying eggs but they're pretty cute except for their raptor feet. 

The Ipad has left the building

It’s been a couple of months now since our Ipad went to the Ipad doctor and we found out that it would not be coming back home.  Well, that’s what we told Lars at least. 

Oh the power of the Ipad…

In the past Lars had limited time on it.  I’d set a timer and tell him that when the timer went off so did the Ipad.  I’ll be the first to admit that at times it was a true convenience.   I could set the timer for 15 or 20 minutes and get done what would normally take me millions of hours.  I could prep dinner, put some laundry on, pick up, change sheets and maybe even clean a toilet or 2.  (I never knew how quickly I could get house chores done until I became a mother and until I compared myself to my wonderful and loving yet not so swift husband).  Twenty minutes of free time was golden and having it a couple times a day….hell, I’d have the whole house clean.  But, Bob and I both saw what was happening…the Ipad was becoming way to powerful for our liking. 

The timer was no longer working.  It didn’t matter if the timer went off because when I would walk over to turn the Ipad off and put it away all hell would break loose.  Lars began asking for it constantly and expecting it if I was doing chores or showering.  We tried lessening time on it but it wasn’t really making a difference.  We still got the same reaction when we would take it away. 

So one morning while leaving for work I made sure Lars saw me with the Ipad and I told him that it had broken and I was taking it to the Ipad doctor.  Days went by of him asking and asking and I would tell him that it wasn’t fixed just yet.  After a couple of weeks the asking subsided and I broke the news to him that the Ipad wasn’t able to be fixed.  I expected terror but instead he was just curious about what had happened to it.

Fast forward 2 months later and I can’t remember the last time Lars asked about the Ipad.  I think the last I heard of it was when he was telling someone that it went to the Ipad doctor and wasn’t coming back.

Honestly, I’m so happy we decided to nip that in the bud.  It just wasn’t worth it.  It wasn’t worth the battle or the tears or the frustration.  None of it was worth it. We live on 5 acres.  We have plenty of ‘stuff’ to do and Lars’ imagination is his main entertainment so it just didn’t make sense to have the Ipad and all the trouble that came with it in our lives.  We also erased all games and any kid apps from our phones because it was just too tempting. 

I don’t really think Lars misses the Ipad, although I’m sure if he was somewhere and there was an Ipad he would light up and cut someone just to use it, but I’m not out to shut him off from technology completely, I just want him to really enjoy and be present during this whimsical time of life.  And 20 minutes here and there on the Ipad are 20 minutes here and there that he could be playing outside, making a trashcan a cave or drawing and those are the things that are so precious.   

he is three

Well ladies and gents, I now know that I absolutely cannot stop time. I tried really really really hard but at 5:52 AM on Saturday, April 4 Lars turned 3. I unexpectedly woke up around 5:47, rolled over, looked at the clock and then laid there and at 5:52 I looked at the monitor and secretly wished my precious sleeping boy the most wonderful of birthdays and thanked him for being born. *Side note...from about 3 months pregnant on I would wake up between 5:47 AM and 5:55 AM almost every single morning. Some mornings, I'd go back to sleep and others I'd toss and turn but deep down I knew that my baby was going to be born in the wee hours of the morning.

We had a super fun day with family and friends.  We cooked and baked and dyed easter eggs and a certain someone stayed up playing outside waaaaaayyyyy past his bed time and finally conked out around 11 PM.  He got some pretty great gifts. Lincoln Logs, some wooden toy food, a very adorable giraffe who he named Gina, a squirrel and acorn board game, lots and lots of sidewalk chalk, a basketball goal with a BOX...y'all it came in a box, the BEST box evvvverrrrr!!! I think he even forgot that he got a basketball goal. The crown and glory of the birthday gifts was a wooden barn with barn animals.  The boy loves him a good barn. He loves it and we love him.  He's a lucky little boy to have so many people that love him and came to spend the day with him.

Lars only had one request for his birthday.....a strawberry farm cake.  Lo and behold a strawberry farm cake:

A BOOOOXXXXXXX!!!! Y'ALL GOT ME A BOX! 

I spy little Lars feet...

his barn....with a dolphin in it.  

Birthday Mud.  That's a thing, right? 

We love you, Lars!